The Big Boss

Fathers’ day. Just the other day. Sunday. Well, two Sundays ago. And it got me thinking a lot about family. What family should be like, I mean how it actually is supposed to be versus how it really is. The reality of it.
Fathers are the heads and the focus of their families. Believe me when I say that more than 60% of the times, a family is what it is, becomes what it is depending on the kind of head it has. Fathers are important. Very important. And of course not every family has got a father but then there is always a father figure.
According to a new study led by Dr. Daniel Nettle at the University of Newcastle in Britain, children who spend time with their fathers have a higher IQ and are more socially mobile than those that receive little attention. Strong fatherly involvement in their early life improves a child’s future career prospects. They become better in terms of skills and abilities that endure throughout adult life; the differences are detectable by the age of 42!The research also shows that it’s not enough for parents to live together but that a father should be actively involved in a child’s life to benefit their development.
A dad may not change the baby’s diaper or spend sleepless nights worrying that it may be hungry again but they have a power that goes beyond that; a leadership role. He is an exemplary figure to be admired, respected and emulated by his descendants. That’s a father. A captain. The big boss. The top man. A role model. Don’t you hear kids all the time saying how much they want to be a soldier or a teacher like their dads when they grow up? How much they want to be number one in class because their father promised to buy them a bicycle if they did? And how much they get excited as they narrate these stories? How they threaten the nurse that injects them with the tetanus vaccine that daddy will be very angry with them and will punish them severely for hurting his child?
Fathers, most of you just don’t see it but you mean the world to your kids. They look up to you. They long for your presence. That’s right, your presence. Not your endless gifts and promises. They help, yes, definitely but being there; showing him how to buckle up a belt, teaching her how to write down your phone number, going out with him to hunt for rabbits. That’s what matters the most. Being a dad. Kids need not know about your existence, they need to feel your presence. Your love. Your fatherly love.
Fatherly love: As necessary as the polio vaccine or vitamin D. And this is not a joke. Its deficiency has adverse effects. Consequences such as some girls seeking sponsors, boys who have sworn never to marry and have families, young men and women with emotional issues; they who do not appreciate affection and cannot give it. Ask me why: Dad-deficiency. One of the worst kind of deficiencies.
There is no man I respect more than a man that is committed to his family and that takes care of his children. A man that teaches his kids responsibility in the right ways; corrects them when they do it wrong, applauds them when they get it right. A man that is proud of is family. A man whose offspring feel challenged by him and want to be just like him. You still don’t know what I’m talking about? That guy who in between his busy schedule and many meetings and perhaps travels still finds time for his family. Now that’s what I’m talking about! And such men exist. Big up to them. God bless y’all.
And something else, it is impossible to be a good husband before you are a good father and honestly for me that’s the first qualification I will always look for.
Reality: But then now there are these men who have totally changed the idea of family. I look around and I don’t see families anymore. This is what I see; a crowd of individuals with a common ancestry living within a given space they call home when the last thing it resembles is a home. A screwed up battalion with no commander. Or with a tremendously awful one. An actual home should be peaceful and full of love but mostly, these individuals confined within this particular space can’t stand each other. And that’s where fathers should come in to right the situation. But do they? Or how can they when most times they are the reason for the situation?
To the good fathers; you are my heroes. To the terrible fathers; I really hope with all of my heart that you can change and bring some joy to the hearts of the creatures you brought to this world. They didn’t ask for any of this.
And boys listen to me. When you become a father, be a father. Not a provider, not a donor, not a sponsor. Do this and see how good your life will be. How happy and peaceful you will become. Because your family will be happy. Just how much the whole society will transform. Just how much the importance of family will be restored.